(BTW, I realize you are all faggots)
NEW SONGS
-9% DickRidah feat. Joe-z, "Tick Sitty"
-14% A-ron Sr-kin, "Ipso That's So"
-30% Bitch Yooza, "Peti Ho"
-67% Cun-T "The Poisonwood Bible"
-98% HIV-AIDS "Die Slow"
NEW EXEGESES (4,400)
Peen S. O'Tooly who simply tried to get hard in front of everyone with 1008 of them thangs.
Jeffrey Tubein with 102 (weak)
Plee Zharetiss with whatever, fuck you
Oth Erz with around 1 (above average)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Affirmations
I was at the bar (not to be confused with any bar) last night, leaning in to order a drink. A strong man walked over to do the same. A woman seated to his right immediately introduced herself, as is the current fashion- "Hi, I'm interested, can you make conversation?"
W: Hi, I'm Cheryl.
M: Dan. You're beautiful.
W: Thanks, you're beautiful too.
The man ordered his drink and returned to his group and the woman sipped on. That was it. The bar closed and they did not go home together. She was a bit old and he was bald; a good match. So what gives?
If I need affirmation I just stare in the mirror then look away and quickly tell myself, in my most effeminate voice, that damn I look good. Then I look back into the mirror and sheepishly thank myself. If this stops working I'll start posting missed connections to myself on Craigslist. "Skinny, short hair, looking cynical and bothered on College St. You are so hot and I want you inside of me. PS- I can tell you've got a winning personality and a perfect sense of humor. PPS- I'm extremely attractive, female."
W: Hi, I'm Cheryl.
M: Dan. You're beautiful.
W: Thanks, you're beautiful too.
The man ordered his drink and returned to his group and the woman sipped on. That was it. The bar closed and they did not go home together. She was a bit old and he was bald; a good match. So what gives?
If I need affirmation I just stare in the mirror then look away and quickly tell myself, in my most effeminate voice, that damn I look good. Then I look back into the mirror and sheepishly thank myself. If this stops working I'll start posting missed connections to myself on Craigslist. "Skinny, short hair, looking cynical and bothered on College St. You are so hot and I want you inside of me. PS- I can tell you've got a winning personality and a perfect sense of humor. PPS- I'm extremely attractive, female."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Liveblogging: the emergency room
I'm in the emergency room. What's taking so long? What happened? I fainted and smashed my face. What happened exactly? I got up from the couch, walked into the kitchen, headrush, getting up off the floor, thinking about Sanford and son, blood everywhere, what the fuck? On a scale of-- worst pain imaginable or ever felt, basically shut the fuck up, I'm sure you hear this all the time. What am I doing now? Blogging. Why? II need attention and I'm not getting it, hey ask that doctor if she was a foot leader. A foot leader, you know, they're famous. What do I study? Who cares where's the doctor? If I smoked a cigarette in here how outraged would you be? If I had an original thought in here, how original would I be. Why me?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
25 Random Things About Mr. Wrongway
BA sent me this chain letter...
1. I'm still growing.
2. I've never been to prison, but I'm down for whatever.
3. I pretend not to know the difference between para-sailing and windsurfing.
4. I can line dance about average.
5. I stalk cats to improve my stealth and agility.
6. I like my carbohydrates burnt.
7. I'm not an amputee (but I'm still young).
8. I love telling people I like to put on headphones and watch strangers moving through public spaces, especially the airport.
9. I giggle when I masturbate.
10. I was crying at you, not with you.
11. I am sorta meta. (I love love).
12. I have more than 2000 chartreuses. All ghastly.
13. My favorite book is Dom Pérignon. Opium is nice too.
14. I'm a great listener.
15. I can't always tell when people are joking.
16. I do a mean crip walk.
17. I find Stephen Hawking kind of funny, and not at all sexy.
18. I want children one day who do not disappoint me or act sad.
19. I order in Spanish at Mexican restaurants.
20. I can't jump rope without skipping.
21. I relax by not giving a fuck.
22. I love the idea of money.
23. I love the smell of the desert after it rains.
24. I love anything that looks more comfortable than it is.
25. I'm open to suggestions.
1. I'm still growing.
2. I've never been to prison, but I'm down for whatever.
3. I pretend not to know the difference between para-sailing and windsurfing.
4. I can line dance about average.
5. I stalk cats to improve my stealth and agility.
6. I like my carbohydrates burnt.
7. I'm not an amputee (but I'm still young).
8. I love telling people I like to put on headphones and watch strangers moving through public spaces, especially the airport.
9. I giggle when I masturbate.
10. I was crying at you, not with you.
11. I am sorta meta. (I love love).
12. I have more than 2000 chartreuses. All ghastly.
13. My favorite book is Dom Pérignon. Opium is nice too.
14. I'm a great listener.
15. I can't always tell when people are joking.
16. I do a mean crip walk.
17. I find Stephen Hawking kind of funny, and not at all sexy.
18. I want children one day who do not disappoint me or act sad.
19. I order in Spanish at Mexican restaurants.
20. I can't jump rope without skipping.
21. I relax by not giving a fuck.
22. I love the idea of money.
23. I love the smell of the desert after it rains.
24. I love anything that looks more comfortable than it is.
25. I'm open to suggestions.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Triumph of My Will
I had a screening of Triumph of the Will for class last night. I clapped at the end, hoping to catch someone. I kinda lost my nerve and said "I'm kidding,"after just three claps (1.25 seconds). But one kid still joined in and continued clapping loudly for a little eternity after I'd stopped. I bet he didn't even know he was a Nazi! This was so much better than losing my virginity.
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